Sunday, May 14, 2006
Reflections and Realizations
This is the start of a new adventure for me. I do not consider myself a writer. Yes, I can write emails and notes but it has been nearly 10 years since I have had to write a paper. Even then I did not feel as though my writing was adequate. I have been trying to come up with a name for my blog and "Martymom's Musings" is the third name...and it was not even my idea. So my goal with this blog is to stretch myself into some real writing even if it is just about my days. I also really want to begin journaling as part of my daily quiet time with God...but it seems I get stumped and stop. I know my writing to God does not need to be some masterpiece and I am really trying to get over that....but I feel like my thoughts do not go anywhere. Maybe it is just because my brain is mush. You see I am a wife and mother of 3 and it seems since all that happened my brain stopped taking anything in. I know I am just out of practice....if I would just make the time for journaling and reading I would exercise my brain.
I tend to get caught up in all that needs to be done around the house that I seem to forget the maintenance on myself.....sometimes that is reading, sleep or my quiet time with God that gets put off. I really want to be the Proverbs 31 woman....but as the Pastor at my good friends' Nicky and LaVonne 's church said today...I am not necessarily supposed to be all those things....sometimes I want to be and sometimes I feel like I am...depending on the week! You see I went to my friends' church today to hear LaVonne sing a song for Mother's Day....which was phenomenal by the way....of course I cried....and I gained so much more from being there. The song spoke to me as well as the Pastor's message. What an awesome role God has given me....as a mother. I often feel I come up short....whether it is the days when I all I seem to do is yell at the kids or the days when I have too many things going on that I barely take time to talk with them. I know we all have those days as mothers. Then, over this weekend I was so overwhelmed with this enormous amount of loving gestures, gifts and cards from my children. It all began Friday when my kindergartener came home at noon and he initially wanted to wait to give me my "present" he had made at school. Then about an hour later he could not wait. He gave me a picture of him holding flowers for me and a card he made. He kept hugging me the rest of the day...then he talked about wanting to give me breakfast in bed. He asked me what I would like...I said "you know, mom doesn't usually make time for breakfast, so I think a bowl of mini wheats and a glass of orange juice would be great". He was so excited. He followed through by the way. Then I got my gift from my 2nd grader.... he made me a paper bouquet of flowers and a great card that ran down the top ten things he loves about mom....things that I have been beating myself up for not doing enough....he was praising me for...reading to him, cooking for him...etc. Then as all three children (my daughter is almost 5 years old) were making cards for Grandmas.. they all kept hugging me and and saying they loved me and that I was the best mom in the world......All I kept thinking was ...I do not deserve this attention. Well, I think God was trying to tell me something these last few days.....not really sure what specifically, but I can't help but feel recharged...you see I did not sleep in until noon and I was not liberated from the chores of our home on Mother's Day, but the words of my children and the hugs and kisses were like a day at the spa.
I cannot forget to mention my husband who was determined to keep me from cooking today...so we went out for lunch with the kids....which was very nice and for the first time in a long time I was able to give up control...you see I am a control freak. You will certainly hear more about that in the future. My husband is often found in the kitchen or in the laundry room helping with the chores. Maybe that is it....he and I are that Proverbs 31 woman together. He certainly took on a lot recently as I broke my right foot and was unable to have my daily routine. Not a good thing for a control freak. Without my husband and my good friends Nicky, LaVonne and Kirsten and many others who have pitched in, could I have made it through this recovery and still be sane. I put away the crutches last week and I am on my feet again. Something, like a broken foot is certainly no tragedy, but when you go through something like that you cannot help but realize all you take for granted....the ability to get around, family and friends, my husbands career....I cannot imagine if me being laid up would have resulted in a lack of income or if I was so far away from anyone to receive help from family and friends and of course our church family and it gives me a new desire to take care of my body....my not being in shape had nothing to do with my injury or the recovery length but when you are unable to move around you realized the importance of activity and healthy eating. I am really going to work on that one...one day at a time and really take care of the body God gave me.
I suppose I should close now....those of you who know me, know that I could talk forever. I will leave you with this...Happy Mother's Day to all mother's out there...you are so very special to your children and families and especially to God!
Posted by Jen