Saturday, August 15, 2009

I want more than to believe I want to follow

I have always believed. In fact I have vivid memories of what I believed God looked like. Bear with me because this was when I was a child. I always wondered how God knew everything and finally figured out that the only way this was possible is because He must be a enormous blanket in the sky with many heads all around it. I know kinda creepy. I went to Sunday School and then youth group and confirmation...we would sometimes sneak away to Mc Donald's after youth group instead of going to the service. I was confirmed...then stopped going to church. In high school I met my hubby, we were friends and then started dating and bless his heart he took me to his church, a contemporary service even, never had been to one of those. I tell ya the music had me hooked. We went through pre marriage counseling...although I highly respected the Pastor I totally did not take it seriously. I remember during our wedding ceremony standing there listening to the Pastor talk about praying together and the foundation that our marriage was to be built on...we believed it but would it be us? Life threw many curveballs, kids, no sleep, sick kids and no sleep, we stopped going to church. We had moved to a new town and thought when our oldest is old enough for Sunday School we would start going again. We did for awhile, then I would drop him off and run to the store while he was there. He cried everytime I dropped him off that finally I stopped making him go most of the time. Then a postcard came in the mail about VBS and I knew my son would not attend if I was not there. I stirred up all the courage I could possibly come up with and called the number and offered to help teach. What was I thinking? You see I was still a believer, but just a believer. VBS came and went ( I did enjoy it) but then I was asked to team teach Sunday School...YES came out of my mouth way too quickly. Someone else was up to something. I started getting involved in many ways at church, meeting other moms and eventually joining a small group for moms. I began listening to Contemporary Christian music and more often than not chose it over anything else and still do. All these things were were great additions to my life as a believer and I was racking up the points so to speak! Then my world was rocked (not ready to share specifics) in a way I never imagined would happen and I thought I was in control and being the "Good Christian" I found
some "Christian" books to help me solve it. Except I did not get answers on how I would fix "it" and change the other person but how I needed to trust and have faith, be patient and that I may need some changing myself. I thought well I can try that but it better work by tomorrow or I am taking over again. Well some how I had the patience to be obedient and let God be in control. That is when I went from being a just a believer to a follower of Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. It's a priveledge to get to watch your relationship with Jesus grow and to "listen in" on conversations you're having when you write here. He is with you as you write, and your surrender to God is a greater thing than you'll ever know.
    Peace to you, my friend.