Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A Story-Still Unfolding

This week has been tough. It is in the numbers...26 weeks I would {should} quickly reduced to 11. That's how long its been since that day. Seems like forever, yet like yesterday. In that looking back I can see so much more clearly than in those first few days {weeks} and even before that day.

I prayed so hard for her, turning the fear {loss remembered} into trust was all I could do. Daily fear would try to take hold of me and daily I prayed it away. Did I know what I was doing in giving it all to Him? I said to Him "I cannot carry this fear, I give this life to you, I Trust You {completely}" I now remember saying those words.

I could not remember this in the days & weeks right after. When I did remember, I wondered what good was it that I prayed, gave and trusted. I knew not to blame...I even said I didn't...but honestly, I did. Me {even Him}.

Then I tucked it was time to move on. I pretended it was getting better. Only it got worse. Grief stole my sleep, my appetite and what little joy I had left. It stole {changed} my perspective on everything.

But I am here to say there is more to the story. A story full of infinite love and rescue, still unfolding. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, there will always be a scar. It is how I will remember and I do not want to forget {ever} but I want to live.

I want to always remember how He rescued me from the valley. I want to always remember how He used people, their love, their prayers, their faith {when mine seemed lost} to stand in the gap for me. I want to always remember how He placed them in the perfect moments to believe for me, to speak His wisdom and His truth to me. I want to always remember how He pulled me near in the dark of night. I want to always remember how He fulfilled my desire to stop going through the motions and be drawn into a deeper relationship with Him.

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