Thursday, July 22, 2010

Even with a hole, He fills my net

That newborn cry. It is coming from the toy department and I am in produce but I hear it. It pierces my heart and my soul. It surprises me that it still affects me. Like the way I wake up and still reach for what should be nearly a watermelon belly by now. Only it is not, I have a waist again, although it is a bit like watermelon jello. I recall that even though 2.5 years have passed since it happened before I have thought about that piece of my heart each and everyday so why would this be any different. Especially after only a little more than 3 months. I see more car seats than we need, bigger strollers, the rear view mirror in my van reveals what should be, then I blink and see what is. It feels like less than what was supposed to be and I long for what cannot be brought back in this life. There's a hole and I worry what will slip away next. Then I dig deep and I feel it {weight} not of burden but of my net...there is much in my net. My home, my life, my heart, they are full...and I lay it down and count it all each day, from Him.

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