Sunday, July 11, 2010

There is Safety in Seeking and Joy in His Presence

Sometimes I think I prefer this place I am stuck in along this journey. It feels safest here, in the deep, passionate seeking. I no longer feel that I will not escape the sorrow but I worry that the world will come and snatch me from Him, again. That the mundane of life will minimize her weight in this world. The world has taken hold of me before, promising to give me all I need, only it is false and I know it...empty promises to a weary soul.

I know how to live in that world and accept all it says I can provide temporary sustenance and even joy. I have even had a deep, passionate seeking of all it had for me. I know what to do living in that. But it doesn't provide the love and rescue in trials. If it did I {we} would triumph over them and not need Him. But the truth is the world is not perfect. Only He is!

Sadly,Thankfully, this life has brought me a variety of trials, which have ultimately led me to seek. Naturally, it begins by seeking answers to questions of how, why, why again! It isn't easy. But when I tenaciously sought that place of presence {His Holy Presence} all I wanted to do was stay there and rest. I am still there, wanting to never leave. There are still questions but I don't question Him. There is still sorrow but when it surfaces I seek more. I lay it before Him. Broken and shattered, often still clutching a few of the pieces. But I have to give them all to Him so He can put it back together. Only He knows how they will fit. It may look different when He is done, but that is how I will know it was Him. It is hard, oh so hard sometimes to trust and believe this, but I do. I have to. I often struggle with how to live in this world and in Him. Then I remember that this world that tries to be bigger and better than Him is where He has placed me to live, breath, praise, love and serve. And I will.

By choosing to follow Him {wherever He leads} and live in His presence, I will find fullness of joy.(Psalm 16:11)

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