I couldn't walk close at first. He whispered "come away with me." I wanted to, but couldn't. I tried but He felt so far away. How could He be near when so much had been taken from me.
I longed to be closer to Him for much time, even years before anything had been lost. I tried, it felt foreign. I prayed and it would bring doubt. How could this be? I could not make sense of His Word. I did not know how to have this relationship that seem so central to living but I had a deep desire for it nonetheless. I just knew there was more. More of Him, less of me and the world.
Through the sleepless nights, the dark and despair He felt far. Yet there was a bond that nothing would sever. I knew it. Eventually my wails gave way to His call. "Come away." He did not stop calling me even when I did not answer. Even when I blamed and said "how can this be made good?" He did not stop.
I feel different now. I see different now. I see her...in His arms. Pure beauty, made perfect just as was promised. My heart sings at this picture, tears fall but they are of joy. I feel Him in everything and like never before His word transcends the world.
I was asked once: "What if it were all taken away, would Jesus be enough?" I knew the right answer then, but could not speak it, I could not imagine it would be enough. I hear Him say again "Come away with me." I go with trepidation, asking myself, can I live without it? I keep going, reaching for His hand.
Then He whispers "You have chosen the better thing, which will never be taken away." (Luke 10: 42)