Sunday, September 19, 2010

Seasons Change, People Change

*This is my post for the Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope Monthly Writing Challenge .*


The leaves began changing a couple weeks ago and it made me realize just how fast time has gone since she left. This time, these seasons that were to be such a part of her growing inside me have come and gone like a fast moving storm. One that could have left destruction in its path. Only it didn't. Just like a tornado that leaves its mark in miles of cornfields then inexplicably lifts up before it can level a 100 year old church; grief left its mark and it is doing things in me I cannot even comprehend yet.

Last spring, as much as I dreaded the thought of being pregnant the entire summer, I told myself it is just a season and it would be worth it. Pregnancy often feels like it drags on. I told myself this time I would not complain. After having already been through loss, you learn some patience and appreciate the waiting, even when it is hard. It changes you.

So here I sit with fall looming...just days away...summer's end is in sight. Just as the end of my pregnancy would be in sight. Only it's not. It is hard to think about what I would be doing. I am trying hard not to actually. Someone said to me recently that I say things with a lot of shoulds and woulds. I am sure there is data that says the dwelling on the shoulds/woulds is not healthy and probably keeps us from moving forward. I believe though that the human spirit and all that life brings is much like the seasons. It knows when to come and when to go. It may get a a little mixed up from time to time. Like Minnesota not getting a drop of precipitation in March. Grief is a season and it knows its coming and going. It may dwell for awhile...hit a dry spell or rain down like a monsoon but it too will pass. With it will come the peace that He ordains at just the right time like rain in a parched land.

Although we cannot know what a season will bring us precisely, seasons change, we can count on it and sometimes because of it we change. What besides fall is around the corner? I cannot predict or even presume I know; but what I can say for certain is that He will be by my side because He never changes.

6 comments:

  1. How comforting, how reassuring is that He never changes. I thank God for those constants. And I have hope that you will know your baby one day. David said of his lost son, He cannot come to me, but I will go to him. That gives me hope that we'll know even babies who were taken from Earth or the womb.

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  2. Beautiful...like the colors of fall that are just beginning to turn...I see the beauty in how you are turning towards Him. Bless you!

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  3. that was beautifully written...He is never changing, always that stable loving Father

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  4. Thanks for sharing those deep thoughts and feelings.
    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Praying for you today!
    (from the blog frog)

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  5. Beautiful. How thankful I am (and how do I always seem to need the reminder?) that God knows what is ahead for me, even if I do not.

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