Thursday, October 07, 2010

Where I belong...

Sometimes driving with my kids in the van and the noise is just too much. {mom's I know you know what I mean} You cannot concentrate or think straight. There is no off switch...oh I wish there was an off switch.

I feel that way about the world too. Grief, as ugly as it was, brought me to a place where I just shut the world off for awhile...it was easy then. Even if they did not know what to say or do people just let me be...I hated the place I was in but loved the quiet. I tuned out the world...at first I relived those moments, analyzed them, questioned everything even Him. It has taken all this time {6 months this week-yes I still count} to realize how that time was used to get to know Him more...just as He desires.

I cannot turn the world off forever...in fact it is already back on and it is so much harder to find Him...does that make any sense? I have struggled with this feeling for months as I have returned to "normal", whatever that is. I do see Him in the good of this world...in every detail of my life, but time with Him has become scarce again and I don't like it. I am thirsty for the seeking, finding and resting in His arms-where I belong.

"To sit at Your feet

At Your table of mercy

To gaze on Your beauty, my Lord

To drink from Your well

And be changed by Your glory

How could I ask for more

Jesus how could ask for more."

(In Your Arms, Meredith Andrews)







1 comment:

  1. Great post. I know you've been struggling to "turn your life back on" and you are doing beautifully in my opinion.

    I think in some way (whether we want Him to or not) He uses extreme tragedy that we don't have a prayer of understanding in this life to draw us closer to Him.

    Hugs to you on your never-ending journey, my dear friend.

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