We talk about them a lot. Today while shopping with my 9 year old Josie we saw Christmas ornaments with names on them. Sure enough they had one with Abigail. I felt my heart skip a beat and I think Josie's did too. Josie then began asking about Jessica's twin and what we would have named the baby if it was a girl and if it had been a boy. You see we don't know. I asked the Dr. to look on the ultrasound and he said it was not possible. I have since learned it is but I cannot go there. It has forever nagged on me and just when I think I feel some peace, it is back. It is back asking what kind of mother would not demand for answers such as this? Yes I have thought this and even said it out loud to myself. I did not know what I was supposed to do. I wasn't able to deliver that still life from inside me because I had to keep growing Jessica. I grieved for a short period of time and then I moved on, although I thought about how there should be 2 of everything, just about everyday since then. I think the Lord protected me and Jessica at that time. It wasn't until losing Abigail 2.5 years later that I really dealt with all of it. Still dealing with all of it.
How to honor the memory of a child you weren't able to name...we have to tell Jessica one day.
How I need Him to help me so I take care of this too...
How to keep giving thanks in all circumstances...
I may not have my babies here to hold but their lives, albeit short; had a purpose...this I know.
He has made Himself known to us like never before.
That is Glory Revealed!