Friday, March 25, 2011

On Waking Up-Fear Not

I am linking up to The Gypsy Mama today for
Five Minute Friday: Waking Up


Each night I plan my waking up. I decide how and when it will happen. What I will do first.

A bullet point list in my head. Wake early before the others, have my quiet time, shower and ready myself for the day. Be cheerful for my family loving on them and putting their needs first. June Cleaver at her best I imagine or at least I hope for.

But what I wake to is fear. Fear that fatigues me before I even open both eyes. I am overtired, so I have already failed at waking up before the others. I talk to God while I continue to lay there but I don't really give Him all of me...it is sort of the drive-thru version. But I share my fear, my heart beating fast, even a bit of a sweat comes over me. I don't know how to do this life. How to keep going when so many pieces are so hard and they don't fit like they used to. I long for the innocence to return...heart and soul before their was pain. I get through because I keep doing. When I stop, much like in those early hours as I wake , it gives too much time to think, to remember, to wonder and to hurt all over again.

I beg strength from my weakness...for the Light to meet the dark. Then like clockwork, Hubby lips say goodbye for the day, little lips murmur "good morning, Mommy, I want to snuggle you" and older lips say "Mom what's for breakfast" and thankfulness quiets my restless waking into hope of the new day because...

I know He is my Light and my Rescue, I shall fear nothing. (Psalm 27:1)


5 comments:

  1. Oh that's wonderful - yes, I know what those mornings of fear and lists can feel like. And I often have to try and imagine Jesus holding out his hand to me, to walk me through the day, to make the waking up easier.

    Thank you for sharing!

    ~Lisa-Jo

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  2. Thank you for your moving, honest post. I can very much relate to the "fear upon rising" feeling. Somedays I struggle to pray it away all day...and some mornings it's lifted from me mercifully by mornings end.

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  3. I read your About Me page...and I thank you for sharing your story...sharing this fear. I have known fear after times of different types of losses in my life, too. When I have them, my "fear" thoughts come before bed time. Very transparent. (((HUGS)))

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  4. I know this fear all too well. Wishing you strength and healing (for myself too) through His light.

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  5. Like the other mommas who commented here, I can relate to your honest, open post here. But, like you said too, that thankfulness overwhelms (in a good way) when I see these blessings He has entrusted to me.

    Thank you for this lovely five minute post.

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