Today has come. As much as I wish I could bypass April 13 or even forget it all together, I cannot. What would that say about her all to short life?
As spring had been approaching, I felt it all coming back to me. Just as a I have always felt the memories surface of my living children's births as their birthdays approach.
The snow melted from the deck this spring and all I could see was this image...other than an ultrasound picture when she was still alive, this is the only picture I have.
Abigail Eden, I miss you so much. I miss standing in yoga pants and a tank top blow drying my hair, on the verge of throwing up and marveling at my baby bump...proof you had been growing.
I miss the flutters I know I felt shortly before you left my womb. I miss the bond we already had, the dreams I was dreaming and even the nausea.
I miss that you should be here starting solid foods and probably doing the army crawl across the carpet in the living room.
You had a big job to do in such a short time, I am certain of that now. You have changed me. The Lord used your life to speak truth to me and to give a voice to a pain I had hidden when I lost babies before you. I will never be silenced again about you or them, I promise.
Your beautiful life showed me the grace, mercy, peace and redeeming love of our God. I saw the beauty and promise of new life, an image He gave to me and I know you are safe and made perfect.
I promise to live differently and never let someone else walk alone in this kind of pain.
Whatever the future holds for us you will never be forgotten. I may not have your footprints on a piece of paper but they are imprinted on my heart, I know for certain.
Remembering you today. Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven, Abigail Eden!