Monday, February 20, 2012

Marriage Letters: His Job, Her Job

Dear Greg,

When I reflect on our "jobs" in our home, the first thing that comes to mind is how blessed I am.  From the beginning of our marriage you have always pitched in. Even taking on the tasks I voiced immense dread for.
But we had balance.  With no little ones in tow we could crank out a week's worth of housework, lickity split.

That of course changed as our children came along.  There were more dishes, more garbage and a lot more laundry. Often after a hard days work, you would come home ready to tackle the to do's with me.  Honestly, you do them better than me.  In fact we often joked about how you would be a more efficient stay at home parent.  Remember that?

Teaching our boys how to pitch in a marriage and our girls how a woman deserves to be treated...teaching all of them how it is team work. That it is okay for guys to do dishes and gals to shovel snow. I actually like shoveling snow.

At the end of the day I often want nothing more than to plop down and relax all evening, I am sure you feel the same.  We both know there is much to do, many chores and the running, paying bills, checking homework, signing forms and depending on the season add in shoveling, mowing and gardening.  And just plain old parenting too. It is a lot to manage after a full day of managing in our work day.

The last couple years I feel like you are really bearing the weight of all of this.  I am so tired a lot of the time and  it doesn't mean I don't realize that you are too.  You are so generous in the way you let me retreat and recharge.  I worry that I don't allow you the same.

I have been praying, reading and listening a lot lately about how to be better at it.  It is encouraging me a lot but mostly convicting me.  After 16 years, I am still learning my role. My desire to give more and do more for you is stronger than ever.  I am praying about how to do that, to have the strength and for the selfishness that seems so much a part of me to leave.

I love you for not expecting me to be perfect...but I strive for it nonetheless...I think it can be healthy as long as the reasons are pure.

We have been talking more lately about regaining this balance...looking for ways to share it more and to be on the same page.  We might need a weekend away just to plan it all.

Maybe we need a donut date with our calendars, in Fellowship Hall at church while the kids are in church school {remember those?} so we can find a weekend that works.


I am joining Amber, Seth, Joy and Scott in a weekly series "Marriage Letters".  It doesn't matter if you blog or not, or even if you both write.  Maybe you hand write letters to each other. I pray these letters, mine and others encourage you in the daily joys and in the sometimes long hard days of our marriages. Join us?  Link up with Amber


  1. i am so right there with you.
    praying you'll find the time, and praying you'll find the balance.

  2. Me too! Oh yes. I know this.

    THank you for joining us.

  3. Good stuff. I've been thinking, too: it's not quite fair how my husband gives me breaks from the kids, which means he's always working. Like, he's at work, or he's with the kids...whereas I'm w/ the kids or off. Not that I'm off a lot. But I do get my breaks. We've got good men. Blessed.

  4. I just love your heart here. And for what it is worth, I really identify with so many of you words. I am still learning my role, too, and John is a shining example of gracious service. So blessed, we are.

  5. It is teamwork, isn't it? This line really spoke to me: "I love you for not expecting me to be perfect...but I strive for it nonetheless.." What a blessing. I hope you get your donut date!