Monday, February 13, 2012

Marriage Letters: Patience

Dear Greg,

I have never been the patient one.  New this or new that, I wanted it , like yesterday.  Our engagement, while the planning was delightful, I would have happily eloped just to be your wife right away. When we were moving to a new home, those weeks of packing and preparing were agony. I just wanted to be there.

This long and windy road of life, our marriage has changed patience for me.  It is different.  I look back and wish I could have been more.  That I may have savored it longer.  Dating, engagement, pregnancy...all of it.

I remember your patience with me then with all my impatience and now most recently how incredibly patient you have been with me. So graciously, attentive to me and how I have traveled this road.

When I was numb, couldn't crawl out of bed, staring out windows between panic attacks...

And the kids needed feeding, driving to their activities, the house needed spiffing...

You waited, you did, quietly persevering-serving your family by carrying the load.

Even just in the day to day, we both work, waking early to start the day like a broken record...rise, get everyone out the door, work , school, daycare, dinner (hopefully), practice, meetings, laundry, homework...repeat.  It is really, really hard to be patient in that.

Patient for the time to spend together just the two of us and even just as a family without the pressure of the calendar.

I never thought it would take this long to be me again...but I finally see her coming back.  I have had to be patient too.  I often wake each day, praying for the strength to do better, to be more of the wife and mom I once was.  When I fall short, there you are patient and with grace filling the gap and taking care of all of us.

You've been the heaven sent glue that held us together through the yuck. The yuck I would have preferred to move through quickly and I am sure you would have preferred that too. But then, had impatience taken over and we hurried it...we would have missed learning and growing together.

It is something special to get to the other side of the yuck, be it grief or just life...to reflect on the grace that filled even the hardest days, the hand of God obviously near.

Thank you, for your gentleness and unwavering patience.

Jen


Linking up with Amber, Seth, Joy and Scott with the "Marriage Letters" on Mondays. Marriage is hard work...may we all be encouraged to keep fighting for our marriages.

3 comments:

  1. There are a few things for sure when you get married, and isn't one of them that yuck is coming?

    Thanks for joining us in this. When you bless your marriage, I believe you bless mine, too.

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  2. there is such beauty in your story - how we trade strength with our spouses, waiting until we can find ourselves again. so glad you can see it with grateful eyes...

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  3. so glad you are finding yourself again, and so happy you have someone to lean on when everything doesn't seem just right. love this story you tell.

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