Friday, July 20, 2012

What's With All This Abundance, Anyway?

I am afraid to even write this, because it is just words and not action.  I mean, what if all that seems to be wrecking me; lighting a fire in me is smothered by daybreak. That nothing changes despite what tugs my heart something awful. That I might decide to give up my diet cokes, coffees and pedicures but once in awhile I don't and someone might see and think then, that I am a fake.

I read what Ann wrote the other day and I was a weeping mess. She asked this:

There I sat with my third large diet coke with extra ice for the day...and the many other comforts of this life at  my fingertips. I had just paid over fifty dollars for a haircut a few days before. Monday I left for work and while running an errand a new top caught my eye. I decided what I was wearing wasn't enough, so I bought a new shirt. I performed the "quick change" in my minivan littered with renegade teddy grahams and empty diet coke cups.

I cannot stop wondering why I keep doing it.  You know, keeping up with the world.  It kind of makes me mad. Even when that little voice {sometimes it is big} tells me I do have enough.  Or even clearer when the bank statement or the pile of receipts in my purse stare back at me and I see the face of someone who needs it more than I. Or how when I sip the diet coke, I think how I could and should be drinking water and there are so many without even a drop of water that is clean enough to pass their lips.

But as quickly as those thoughts grab hold of me, the world grabs tighter; interjecting, telling me I am not enough or that I don't have enough. That its kind of abundance is far better than His.

I have prayed in thanksgiving for the things that I am not: not homeless, not sick, not hungry, not alone...sometimes even more than being thankful for what I am or have.

But now, a part of me, prays that I might wear those shoes even for just one day. More than just when the budget is tight or things just don't seem to go my way. Not an experiment or project to prove something or someone right or wrong. It is not really just about less pedicures, diet cokes and clothes...but it is.  Why have I been given so much? Enough.


  1. This is a beautiful heart cry, Jen ... full of passion and the stirrings of the Holy Spirit. If He presses it onto your heart, He will give you the perseverance to carry on.

  2. Jen you have been given much to share much. Who has the strength to outwardly say what you just did, to admit that we are living in abundance. But chew on this, we are not blessed by the things we have, we are blessed by grace. Knowing Him, proclaiming He rules our life, and seeking to do His will gives us direction to navigate in a culture that shuts Him out. Acknowledging the fact that we have much and seeking ways to share that with others His goodness is the key, a key to eternal happiness. Keep up the good work my friend, you are doing glorius things for the Glory of God.
    My prayer everyday, as I drive to work is; Lord protect my children from evil and let others see You in my eyes.

  3. I just stumbled on your blog via (in)courage... what a precious post... raw and real and beautiful. Love it. Really love it. ~Dana