Monday, October 15, 2012

Day 15: October 15

Today, October 15, is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

When you lose a baby or child or any loved one for that matter there are lots of dates. Dates that you remember and spend time honoring your loved one.

For me those dates are quite significant. The day I learned the lives inside me were no longer growing and/or the day I either had surgery or delivered. Then the due date is also significant. We all know that due dates are only an estimate but they remind us of when they should have been born.

There could be a 2 year old girl running around here, she is not.

There could be 4 year old twins anxious for Kindergarten to start next fall. There is one.

There could be a young one in Kindergarten this year, there is not.

So why is today, this month significant? It is much like other awareness days and months. It is a opportunity to collectively remember and almost more importantly, to raise awareness.

In our Home we lit our candle at 7 pm, the kids asked why and we told them. We told them that if everyone lit one at 7 pm in every time zone there would 24 hours of continuous light. They thought that was cool. We talked especially about Abigail, and Nathan asked me how old she would be if she had made it full term, I told them she would be 2 years old. The kids went on to talk about how fun that would be right now. {Oh my heart}.

There were photos of events, private remembrances, single candles on a stove top all over facebook, instagram, twitter and blogs worldwide. I attempted to name each one in my heart that I personally knew of and then to see all the others. It causes me to pause. I also took time to remember babies gone too soon, whose parents have never shared and it sits quietly in their soul. Their babies are remembered too.

I could share all the statistics, the ways this type of loss can be prevented and the times when it just happens. I could share the really awful things people say to you when this happens, and the many who say and do the right thing. But you can find that information all over the internet.

Dreams for this new life had begun, from the moment of conception or IVF transfer, to the two lines or plus sign on the test strip, to the first waves of nausea...and some only make it this far. the first views of the flickering heartbeat, to the sound of that heartbeat on the doppler...and some only make it this far. end of the first trimester and hopes of the nausea leaving to what is often called the honeymoon of pregnancy {second trimester} to the first flutters of movement...and some only make it this far. the mid-pregnancy ultra sound where everything looks perfect, but sometimes it doesn't. But it is still their baby.

...through the remainder of the pregnancy, some born premature and some full term and some born still.

...but they were Still Born

I know families who have experienced loss at each one of these stages...I myself have lost anywhere from 7-20 weeks. They were still my babies.

If you would like more information or you or someone you know are in need of support please contact me and I can connect you with resources.

“Sometimes,' said Pooh, 'the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” ― A.A. Milne

I am writing for 31 Days of Finding My Way Home Again and even this is part of our part of The Nester's  31 Days writing challenge.

Read all my 31 Days posts here


  1. Oh, Jen. I thought of you the day you wrote this ... offered prayers on your behalf. Your writing is beautiful and so are your thoughts here. Wishing we could spend some fact to face time.