12 days! TWELVE! I have been a coughing mess...today I think I turned the corner. "And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on." That is meant for weary cold, cough and ear drum bulging souls too, right?
Sitting here among piles of to dos, to fill outs, to organize, to just simply put away, to plan, to study, to send and I don't know where to begin.
I keep thinking next fall there will be a little more time...2.5 some hours each morning or afternoon. It is not really much time and I am actually hoping I can use it for running to avoid trying to squeeze it in at night.
As I type, the almost five year old sits surrounded by Polly Pockets she has been make-believing with since 11 am.
Tonight we go to Kindergarten Orientation...I think she is excited. I am for her... but the reality of it is so bittersweet. I think it is one of the first times that the impact of her twin not being here with us is real. One of the many milestones that will happen and even though we are okay and we don't dwell on what isn't, it is hard not to imagine it. She even talks about it now.
A few years ago when I thought about this time in her life I imagined a sweet one still at home with me. I cannot believe it has been almost 3 years. It is now all so different.
It can be heart breaking when life doesn't go as we so carefully planned even if divine wisdom is sought. I think this is why I haven't been rushing winter into spring...I am not ready...not ready for life to move right now and not ready for it to be 3 years already and not ready for her to go to Kindergarten just yet. But it will happen and just as if everything was different, how I thought it was to be...He is teaching me through it just the same and I hold on and I can see the light.