Sunday, October 23, 2016
Hope For What I Cannot See #godsizeddreams
It was dark. I could smell the tang of seaweed. It wasn't pitch black but the only shapes I could see were the whitecaps as the waves came in and broke...
Being near the water is my sanctuary. The place where I seem to best be able to see and hear God; and smell and taste of His goodness and mercy.
It usually isn't dark though. I love the opportunity to sit in the crisp morning air in early spring or fall; when the sun is just beginning to make its appearance for the day. I am bundled up with a warm cup of coffee. I see His majesty in the canvas of the sky and hope in the horizon. I touch and taste His promises from the pages of His book. All seems right with the world.
This is also the place where feel as though my dreams are a little closer to reality. That I don't need to write them off before they are even realized. I feel a little more like I can really make it happen. That I can make a plan. It feels like I am ready to leap. To walk out of the old...and maybe into something new. I don't always know exactly what these dreams are but they feel big and scary and awesome all at the same time.
Sometimes I feel it so close and when it is time to leave that sanctuary for "real life" it suddenly feels as though I am still by the water only in the dark and all I can see are my dreams atop the waves and they come crashing in and break.
That is the time when I often feel that maybe it isn't my dream to be had. That maybe I am just wishing for someone else's dream...I am afraid to fail, hesitant to trust someone else with my dream and mostly...really impatient.
But lately, the messages are clearer and more frequent. They make their way through this world and the chaos.
He says..."Jen, be faithful in the little things." (Luke 16:10)
Even when the world is crazy loud I hear Him whisper it, I hear Him...like never before. Even while my eight year old watches Veggie Tales.
So I do this life. This wonderful, amazing life each and everyday...the parts I adore and those that are really hard. I make mistakes...sometimes the same ones over and over. I let people down and then sometimes I actually do okay and get something right.
I keep going and doing the hard things, seeking and trusting Jesus, loving my people and His and loving myself.
Knowing someday He will maybe trust me with more.
Most importantly trusting and waiting. Letting go of control, which doesn't mean not working for it but understanding that this dream of mine; this dream that I thought had already lost all its steam...may still be His dream for me in some way.
It is part of the story, His story...my story and even your story.
A reminder to keep doing the little things and to be faithful. When I feel lost, trust His itinerary and map. Press in and let His promises hold me when I feel the urge to write the story myself or give up on dreams altogether.
Lord, this is bigger than me. I know it is all on purpose and I trust you with my tomorrows.