Monday, May 18, 2009

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I still wonder what am I going to be when I grow up. Sounds silly to say when I am nearly 35 (yes I did share my age, don't really have a problem with it). I remember thinking I knew what I wanted to do when I was in high school. I was going to be an attorney. I had been working in a Law Firm during my Senior year in high school and was fascinated. I headed off to Carthage College in Kenosha, WI to pursue that dream. I was excited to be on my own but sad to leave my high school sweetheart behind. I remember I had it all planned. I would major in Political Science and minor in Sociology with the emphasis pre-law. As exciting as heading off to college was to me, I was completely terrified that I would be a loner. I had friends in high school, many actually but often felt like a tag along in some groups. I was determined to make friends with my dorm roommate as well as others...well I did exactly that and no homework. I had been there 3 weeks and was nearly 2 weeks behind in reading and no where near prepared to write the 2 papers that were due soon. So I told my parents I wanted to come home. I also missed Greg very much. So my dad and Greg drove the 6.5 hours to come and pick me and all my things up. Once back in MN I vowed to attend the local community college in January. I did just that with the intent of taking their 2 yr Paralegal track and still work in the legal field. I wasn't off to a good start. I would rather spend time with Greg, who was also attending that school, and I rarely did homework...especially the reading. The result I did poorly on exams and ended up on academic probation. I had to go through some study skills coursework (which I think was not all that bad) and some personality type testing which revealed a list of a few likely career paths, some made sense and one I would hear nothing of the sort at that time. I basically started over. Had to re do a couple courses and work my tail off. At one time I was taking 17 credits and working just about 40 hours a week. At this point I was no longer pursuing the paralegal degree, I think I chose it because I was familiar with it but it really wasn't what I was passionate about. My grades improved. I had done really well and was removed from academic probation. I needed to take some time off to make final wedding plans. Greg and I married and about 8 months later I transferred to a 4 year private college with the intent to get into social work. I was going there half time and completed my first trimester and had begun 2nd trimester classes when I found out I was pregnant. I was so sick and tired that I just knew I could not continue at that time. I have always wanted to go back. It is hard sometimes when your friends all have degrees and you don't, I am still not sure what I want to be. I do believe that I am right where God wants me to be right now. At home with my family. And I am sure He will show me where I am supposed to be in the future. I think He has already given a few clues, maybe even 15 years ago in that list of career paths that the personality test revealed. For right now, I will embrace where I am and just "be" while being molded for what is to come.


  1. I just have to share words from a mentor of mine...Henri Nouwen.

    Being Sent Into the World

    Each of us has a mission in life. Jesus prays to his Father for his followers, saying: "As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world" (John 17:18).

    We seldom realise fully that we are sent to fulfill God-given tasks. We act as if we have to choose how, where, and with whom to live. We act as if we were simply plopped down in creation and have to decide how to entertain
    ourselves until we die. But we were sent into the world by
    God, just as Jesus was. Once we start living our lives with that conviction, we will soon know what we were sent to do.

    Jen, you're doing what you're meant to do. It's discovering who you are in it that's the fun part. When you have to work to bring in money to support your family, you should at least be doing it out of a place within you that you love, a place of gratitude for the gifts God has given you, how He's wired you. It's tiring to do it out of obligation, and just because it's a job. It's when you tire of the place you're in - just being, that can be a struggle. Keep on the journey, and thanks for sharing your life.

  2. It sounds like you are right where you are supposed to be for this time in your life. It took me 6 years to finish college and I ended up with a degree I will never use because I was just finishing to say I finished!
    This is just one season in your life, there will be many more, and if going back to school is what you are supposed to do, I am sure the doors will open for you!

  3. I enjoyed my 1st year of college so much I got academic suspension. I moved, had to appeal to a board to be let in a junior college and had to pay for it all myself. I did great and was even in the honor society when life kicked in and I had to stop school for a while. Well, I have never made it back to finish. I have learned I don't need a degree to be a mom and a wife and that is what God has allowed me to be. A degree or career could never be more fulfilling. Finally embracing that fact has gotten me to the point that I can now say I AM GROWN!(at 36)