Sunday, May 16, 2010

It Stings

The ache is still so deep.

I keep hoping & praying for tomorrow to bring less pain. In some ways it does...there is still life to be lived, loved and laughed...and I do. 
There are moments where I feel that ache being healed, as I feel His hand near in the joy of laughter of my children here on earth, the embrace of my husband, the comfort and love of friends and family and especially in the many moments best described as "Holy Spirit goosebumps." But then I see that pile of maternity clothes folded neatly on the floor of my closet or the ones I was planning to buy at the store. I realize this fall my time will be more available than I had thought I open my dresser drawer and see 3 positive pregnancy tests I took in January(I always take more than's a quirk of mine) and the ultrasound pics that showed our perfect baby on March 16. My day planner with each week of pregnancy marked in pencil every Sunday {in my heart it is not erasable}

I wake each and every morning, before dawn and reach for my belly that is no longer there

It's then {especially then} it stings.


  1. I am so grateful to have found your blog. It is as if I am reading my own thoughts and feelings. I know you have traveled was past this moment in your life by now but this is exactly where I am today May 17, 2013. Thank you for the courage you had to post these things.