Wednesday, April 13, 2011

First Birthday in Heaven

Today has come. As much as I wish I could bypass April 13 or even forget it all together, I cannot. What would that say about her all to short life?

As spring had been approaching, I felt it all coming back to me. Just as a I have always felt the memories surface of my living children's births as their birthdays approach.

The snow melted from the deck this spring and all I could see was this image...other than an ultrasound picture when she was still alive, this is the only picture I have.

Abigail Eden, I miss you so much. I miss standing in yoga pants and a tank top blow drying my hair, on the verge of throwing up and marveling at my baby bump...proof you had been growing.

I miss the flutters I know I felt shortly before you left my womb. I miss the bond we already had, the dreams I was dreaming and even the nausea.

I miss that you should be here starting solid foods and probably doing the army crawl across the carpet in the living room.

You had a big job to do in such a short time, I am certain of that now. You have changed me. The Lord used your life to speak truth to me and to give a voice to a pain I had hidden when I lost babies before you. I will never be silenced again about you or them, I promise.

Your beautiful life showed me the grace, mercy, peace and redeeming love of our God. I saw the beauty and promise of new life, an image He gave to me and I know you are safe and made perfect.

I promise to live differently and never let someone else walk alone in this kind of pain.

Whatever the future holds for us you will never be forgotten. I may not have your footprints on a piece of paper but they are imprinted on my heart, I know for certain.

Remembering you today. Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven, Abigail Eden!


  1. Happy birthday to Abigail. Thinking of you today.

  2. Remembering her with you, Jen! Bless you today and in the days ahead. You are changed because of His amazing love for you, and you are a blessing to so many others through it.

  3. Happy 1st birthday to you, beautiful Abigail! Your life has changed your family and so many of us. You are an amazing angel and so loved. Can't wait to meet you!

  4. Happy Birthday Abigail!

    As much as I've been self absorbed these past few days I have thought of you and Abigail often.

  5. With tears of gratitude for her short yet beautiful life, I'm wishing your beautiful Abigail a happy first birthday. She's spending it in Heaven, and how beautiful it must be that she's sitting on our Savior's lap, even though my mother's heart cries that you're not holding her. Thinking of you today, and praying for you friend.

  6. You have definitely helped others...when I read that I said....mission accomplished :) I love you and I am so thankful that we have each other. I am always so happy that our girls have each other in heaven. I will never forget Abigail....I promise.